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Posted in The Second Half

Forward

Person by person, my generation is passing away.

And there are so many of us. Each day, ten thousand members of my generation reach retirement age (Pew Research).  Funerals are constant among my peers.

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It is an easy conversation starter when I approach someone my age and ask about plans for retirement. Most have no plans. They have not even checked their Social Security accounts. But they always say that waiting to draw Social Security will give them a larger payout. To which I reply, “It depends. It depends on how long you plan to live.” And that’s the part we have no assurance about.

The arc of human development begins at the total dependence of infancy, and rises through adolescence and self-sufficient middle adulthood. Late adulthood, then, marks the start of the downward slope of the arc.

I am, according to my friend Donn Garrett, “closer to the end than I am the beginning.”

I am, at times, betwixt and unsure. Should I prepare to live, or should I prepare to die?

Does that seem a dark sentiment? But it is the process I am in. Three of my closest and dearest friends have passed away and greeted Jesus ahead of me, one in each of the past three decades.

Mark was in every way an adventurer and a firebrand. His death made national news because he was struck by lightning while atop a Colorado peak in 1994. He was 34 years old, and left his wife and five children behind.

In 2005, Phil passed away while quietly reclining on his patio at the age of 54. Phil had a ready sense of humor. He loved to worship. He loved to tell stories. He loved to cook. Most of all, he loved friends.

Ben’s 2017 heart attack at the age of 60 was unexpected and sudden. By the time medical professionals reached him, he was gone. He was so very bright and full of joy. He was always encouraging. I could share everything with him. My life with Ben was measured through 40 years of weekly conversations.

Pastor and author Hal West in the Pickled Priest and the Perishing Parish: Boomer Pastors Bouncing Back, says that grief has a way of draining our reserves, yet it is a necessary process. A friend’s death might be remembered by a calendar entry, but “working through the grief is a grinding process. It takes time to heal from such a cruel wound inflicted by this broken world.”

Adjacent to this grief process is life. Even in this place of sorrow and sadness, I am part of God’s story. Jesus was said to be a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. But just as Jesus moved forward I am exhorted by Paul to do the same. “I have not yet reached my goal. Christ Jesus took hold of me so that I could reach that goal. So, I keep pushing myself forward to reach it. Brothers and sisters, I don’t consider that I have taken hold of it yet. But here is the one thing I do. I forget what is behind me. I push hard toward what is ahead of me. I push myself forward toward the goal to win the prize. God has appointed me to win it. The heavenly prize is Christ Jesus himself (Phil 3:12-14).”  This exhortation echo’s the refrain that says, “Forward.”

Recently, I read John’s first epistle anew. He says, “I am writing to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name. I am writing to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning” (1 John 2:12-13, NIV).

For the first time, I identified myself as a “father” in this scripture. How odd that sounds. I had previously only seen myself as the one of the young men.

But these verses provide hope in a way I never comprehended before. God sees me where I am at, and I see God’s promises to me in my current season.  He promises, “Even to your old age I am he, even when you turn gray I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save” (Isa. 46:4, ESV).

Even though my season of life has changed, God has not changed. And even though grief so easily finds me, John exhorts me to draw into deeper fellowship with Jesus and the Father, such that my joy might be full (1 Jn 1:1-3).

Having Jesus makes the difference for me as I appreciate more than ever that he is the friend that is closer than a brother. He will never leave me, not matter what my life stage.

 

 

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Posted in General, The Second Half

Making Aging Positive

The 2014 Atlantic Article returns interesting observations. “Many of my older-adult patients wanted to make a difference in the world but, finding no role for themselves, were treated as socially useless. Having created a new stage of life, the next step is to make it meaningful.”

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“Many of my patients wanted to make a difference in the world  but, finding no role for themselves, were treated as socially useless.”

“According to some researchers, ageism is more pervasive in our society than negative stereotypes based on gender, race, or sexual orientation.”

 

Posted in General, Leadership

How My Greatest Failure Turned Into a Real Life Parable

Snip20171015_13Can a career failure return more value than any success? My question was not a philosophical one following an annual review that left me completely humbled. Like many Silicon Valley firms, my company had just initiated 360 reviews. In this process, all direct reports and three peers submit anonymous assessments evaluating all aspects of your job performance and your contribution to the larger engineering mission.

It was my first year directly managing people. I was promoted as reward for being a top performing contributor. As a contributor, I had mastered all aspects of my engineering work. And being an A-Team contributor gave me a reservoir of confidence that emboldened me to accept the managerial role.

The next year was a perfect storm. The scope of the engineering deliverable was more difficult to achieve than anyone in the company had anticipated. A decision to completely rewrite the core feature and function of a product creates an uncharted landscape where what is known is dwarfed by what you do not know. When an aggressive date is added to the mix, the pressure to achieve increases. Each missed milestone, each broken build returns a cost paid by extended hours at the office.  My commitment to this death march project found me at the office closing the gaps. My time at office was measured in days not hours. I worked 60 straight hours to hit one of the milestones. My scheduled also returned four 48 hour stints and more than a dozen all-nighters. And I was not the only one at the office during these efforts. There was never any minute. Day or night, when my office building was empty. We worked around the clock.

We shipped the product coincident to the annual review process. My expectation was high for recognition as an all-star. After all, no one had risen to the heroic call more than I. Perhaps if I had remained a contributor that acclaim would have found me, but as a manager it turned out I had failed. My review results were mixed. Half of my team gave me very high marks, but the other half returned exceptionally low marks, the kind of marks that make you wonder if you chose the right profession. These were the kind of marks that normally result in being escorted out of the building. I left my review wondering if I could survive my career’s greatest failure. I wondered if God could return any good from my circumstance. By God’s grace I was given a do over. I was awarded a new project with the exact same team. But I was changed. I was humbled.

I poured through the review results finding trends in my work behavior that resulted in low marks. If I treated everyone the same, how could half of the team be thrilled to be part of my team and the other half of the team be so very unhappy? Isn’t it biblical to treat others as you would like to be treated? That proved to be the first key to my failure. As a contributor, I wanted a low touch manager. The fewer the meetings, the fewer the interactions, the happier I was. Rather than talk to me, send me an email, or walk into my office and list the three things you need done by a deadline. Then leave me alone.

It turned out the comments contributing to my low marks were related to these same work behaviors that I valued so much. I was perceived as dictatorial, abrupt, and absent. Too much email and not enough face to face. Inwardly, I objected to the assessment as unjust. Did they not understand how much time I spent rescuing the project? That was the second key to my failure. I assigned myself contributor duties because no one was better at doing the things I was good at. The work product I contributed was outstanding and perfect, but the consequence was that I starved the time necessary to raise the level of my team members.

For the subsequent project, I changed my work behavior as follows:

Every day I would walk into each employee’s office and spend 10 to 15 minutes checking in. I encouraged them to communicate anything affecting their work or life. I listened. I spent a few minutes resetting the current work goals and affirming their contribution. After returning to my office, I sent email summarizing what we discussed that was important to the work product. I decided I would not communicate any information via email that I had not discussed face to face.

I gave away all the work to deliver the project to my team. I kept absolutely no work items for myself to control. This was hard for me because it meant I had to accept things being done differently than I would do them. I had to trust my team. It meant some aspects of the work was not perfect. And it meant my success was measured only by my team’s success.

I shifted my focus to leading and mentoring my team and away from rescuing the project.

At the next annual review, I received the highest possible marks from every team member and unanimous affirmation wanting me to stay their manager. The company rewarded me with a significant pay increase and an extended time off bonus. No more all night work sessions. No more lost weekends.

I could not have asked for a better life parable. These lessons learned forever shaped my effectiveness as a manager and leader to the benefit of the few hundred folks I have managed over my career. I have learned to not treat people as I would want to be treated. Instead I seek to learn how to best serve them. I learned to treat them the way they want to be treated.

Posted in Book Reviews, That Theology Thing

Rob Bell asks, “Will all people be saved, or will God not get what God wants?”

Snip20170819_2I read Rob Bell’s book two times about 2 years apart. My first read I looked for all the things I found easy to reject. The second read I tried to understand his questions, reservations, and point. Rob Bell’s questions and arguments are NOT new. Some can even be traced to Barth. Bell’s approach shares much with the notion of Christian Universalism. Christian Universalism has a 200-year tradition, but can find alignment prior to the 6th century. Continue reading “Rob Bell asks, “Will all people be saved, or will God not get what God wants?””

Posted in General

Pedagogy v. Andragogy

I purchased one and built a second Christian Bookstore. I was in the bookstore business for 4 years until my money ran out. (If you want to know more about my Bookstore story you can read my blog about Certainty).

Constant conflict came from folks who felt it wrong for me to place books on shelves when they disagreed with the subject or the author.

Continue reading “Pedagogy v. Andragogy”

Posted in General, The Second Half

That Dementia Thing

The Causes of Dementia 

Interesting observations around what might reduce the dementia rate by as much as 30% in the population. The premise is that dementia as disease  damages the brain.  The brain’s resilience to the  disease or ability to fight the disease depends in some cases on the reserve capacity and exercise the brain has had.

Activities or conditions that shrink the brain reduce a person’s ability to fight dementia. Activities that expand the brain early in life and throughout life provide a reserve that your body can use to fight dementia. Continue reading “That Dementia Thing”

Posted in Contextualization, General, The Second Half

Certainty

Mission-from-GodHave you ever been on a mission for God? One tension with aging is between our dreams and our regrets. When I was young, I tended to see things in black and white. In many ways, my mind was closed for repairs. My understanding of Scripture was likewise rigid. Theological positions were mountains to conquer and debates to be won. I arrived at a place where I thought all my questions were answered. Years followed in which my interactions with the Word of God were incremental, returning minor corrections to my already settled theological positions.

Continue reading “Certainty”